Can someone please buy me a teleporter?

Driving home after work last night was, yet again, an excruciating exercise in patience. I came across every idiot move that one can see while driving - someone literally drove across the ENTIRE Granville Street bridge in two lanes, tires on either side of the white dotted line, straddling that thing like they were riding a pony.

I was nearly home (and nearly deaf from my own ravenous screaming and cursing) when I came across one more incident that sent me over the edge. At the end of the day I'm hungry, and I'm tired, and I would rather be anywhere than behind the wheel of my car, I just want to get HOME! So when the light turned green and the woman in front me (who was turning left, like me) didn't pull out into the intersection, I gave her a courtesy "beep, beep" (which, I want to point out was showing a great deal of restraint on my behalf since by that time I was ready to strangle the next person who so much as looked at me). The woman didn't budge...the light had turned green, she and I were both turning left, and she didn't pull out into the intersection. Cars streamed by in the oncoming lane and I sat there, steam coming out of my ears. Finally, the light turned yellow, it was her big moment to pull out and make the turn. She still didn't move. Obviously when the light turned green again and she STILL didn't move out into the intersection, I abandoned my gentle "beep, beep" for a loud, intimidating "HOOOOOONK"....I kept my hand pressed down on the horn until she slowly rolled into the intersection. I don't know what she would have done if I hadn't been behind her, honking in rage. Was she going to sit there until rush hour traffic was over? It's people like that who are taking years off my otherwise calm and pleasant life.

I try to keep my road rage to myself and my passengers - I don't like fingering people and screaming at them (well, I scream, I just look straight ahead rather than at them) because you never know when you might see them again. Like the time I worked at a gym while going to school (and I started at 6:00am), and while driving to work at 5:40am some crazy guy cut me off, nearly hitting me...then we were stopped at a red light together so I took the opportunity to express my, ahem, "disappointment" in his driving. He peeled off the crosswalk and continued to drive like a complete psycho...all the way to the gym...where we both arrived at 5:45am and I made him wait outside until 6:01am before unlocking the front door. It was...pretty awkward. I just wish I had some way to seek revenge on these bad drivers, like if I had some magical bird that I could summon, and when they stepped out of their car he would shit on their head. That would make me feel much better.