Wednesday, September 2, 2009

After San Francisco I’ll be going straight to hell

I’m writing this on a flight from YVR to SFO, but I’ll surely be headed straight to HELL some time soon. While walking through the airport this morning I was watching an elderly gentleman glide along the moving sidewalk. It was almost like he didn’t realize that he had gotten on the moving sidewalk, because all the while he was glancing around with a very distressed look on his face. Glancing to his right, glancing to his left, glancing behind him…..turning around completely looking as though he was lost. Getting closer to the end of the moving sidewalk, still standing backwards, getting closer still, and still standing backwards…I wanted to yell out to him, “DUUUUUDE!!! TURN AROUND!!!!!" but I stood there, watching this awkward ballet unfold at the end of the moving sidewalk. You can guess what happened next.

The old guy is riding the moving sidewalk backwards, he’s about 1 second from the end, a slightly staggered stance so that one heel catches first and one leg shoots out in front of him, the other heel didn’t even have a chance to hit the end of the moving sidewalk, as soon as the first one hit, the second one was up in the air. Arms flailing, bags falling, one big old man stumbling to get back on his feet as the sidewalk keeps rolling along. With each attempt is another failure to regain his balance. The best method would have been to army roll right off and stand up on solid ground, but he was half on the sidewalk, half on solid ground and struggling like a champ. He made it to his feet (eventually) and as I walked on, I realized that I had a smile on my face...and I was laughing. I feel bad, but it was something you would have seen on America's Funniest Home Videos...and if America laughs at old men falling off the moving sidewalk, then so can I!

When I really felt bad though, is when an old lady fell at the end, much like the old man had done. Her old lady friend tried to help her up but fell (only partially) in the process, and then another old lady fell on top of that was a pile up of grannies, and you bet your ass I was giggling. Hence, my impending trip to hell. 

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