Monday, August 10, 2009


I like heckling people at sporting events. My friends know this. It's fun to heckle the opposing team's fans....stir up some rivalry, get everyone more into the game and have some laughs. I like heckling, but in a fun, non-offensive, sometimes drunk, non-fist fighting, non-mouth full of swear words kind of way. I guess not everyone is like me, though. Some people like to get as drunk as they can then go shit-crazy on your ass and try to start a fight. Some fans like to make inappropriate gestures in front of old women and children, simultaneously spouting off half-coherent comments so rude that I actually don't even want to write them on my blog. It was our distinct pleasure to be sitting behind these loser-drunk, belligerent assholes on Friday night at the football game.

Luc's sister and her fiance were staying in town with us on Friday night, and since there was a Saskatchewan vs. BC football game on, we decided it would be fun to attend. We all donned our green Saskatchewan Roughrider gear (call me a traitor if you will, but I have good reason for being a Rider fan) and headed to the stadium. Two rows ahead of us sat a group of 20-something guys, sucking back the Mike's Hard Lemonade like it was the air they were breathing. At one point I thought of trying to count how many they were drinking, but I'm actually not sure I can count that high. The two directly in front of us were the wannabe ring-leaders. One had trouble keeping his shorts up and every time he stood, we had the privilege of getting a glimpse at his big, hairy bum-crack. Very hairy. The other had both ears pierced with diamond studs, super-cool frosted tips, tacky designer jeans, an over sized Ed Hardy hoodie and a Mike's Hard in each hand. It was this guy's middle finger that was being waved in my face half way through the second quarter. Our ( heckling had elicited an invitation to "take this shit outside right NOW". His aggressive badgering and threats were so uncalled for and hilarious, but my heart was still beating out of my chest. He had already thrown back enough Mike's Hard to flood the stadium and he was obviously the kind of idiot who felt he had something to prove. The kind of idiot who has no inhibitions (what self-respecting man drinks Mike's Hard Lemonade? And at a FOOTBALL GAME, no less). The kind of idiot who wouldn't think twice before punching someone in the face, be it man, woman or child.

He and his paunchy friend were turned around, yelling obscenities in our faces and taunting the guys, trying to start a fight. We weren't interested in sinking to his level (and we didn't), but at the same time, we were no more interested in just standing there and taking this shit from a guy like him. At one point (when he probably realized that we weren't going to let him holler at us without any retort), he made a feeble appeal to the rest of his friends to join in, but they weren't having it. Frosted Tips realized he was on his own, so like a true coward, he walked up the stadium stairs with Mr. Chubby trailing behind him, looking back and yelling "let's do this, outside, right now....", but then he disappeared.

The other BC Lions fans were evidently embarrassed by Frosted Tips, as many of them told us that he "doesn't represent BC" and we even got a few guys saying they would jump in if this guy did come back and try to start a fight. Our guys weren't too worried though; he could barely speak in complete sentences and when they found him again at halftime, he backed down saying, "hey man....hey, know, I'm drunk, like....yeah,, I'm just drunk you know? So whatever man....just tryin' to have a good time." I was relieved at this outcome, because I don't think Luc wanted to get in a fight any more than I wanted to watch him get in a fight. I think fist-fights are for morons who can't use their words like big boys.

The game went on, and so did the heckling. His friends were just as drunk, but them asking "what's up now, Saskatchewan?" every two minutes was much less annoying (and much funnier) than the string of messy expletives flying out of Frosted Tips' mouth earlier on. They engaged in the playful heckling that didn't involve mass groupings of swear words. One really drunk guy did drop a few F-bombs at Luc, but it was just kind of funny.

Drunk Guy: "Hey....hey...HEY...HEY.."
Me: "What???"
DG: "Are you guys married?"
Me: "No, we're engaged."
DG: (looks at Luc) "Fuck you man....FUCK YOU!"
DG: "Hey...."
Me: "What??"
DG: (drunken grin, squinted eyes) "You should get yourself a BC boy." (pointing at himself)
1 min later....
DG: " guys are all losers!! Except you" (pointing at me)..."I like your smile." (still grinning like an idiot, nearly falling over in his drunken stupor)

The fun didn't stop there though; by the end of the night, there were Rider fans outside the stadium burning a Lions jersey and Lions fans threatening Rider fans. Fortunately, we weren't involved in this mayhem. We made it safely to the bus stop and home in one piece.

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